You’ve probably heard the term “Failure to Launch,” which describes the increasingly common phenomenon of how young adults remain dependent on their parents well past graduation from high school. They might avoid going to college, working full-time, moving out on their own, or otherwise taking on adult responsibilities.
Although it’s called Failure to Launch, it’s not a failure, per se. Many of these young adults want independence but feel paralyzed by anxiety, fear of failure, or a lack of confidence. Meanwhile, parents – driven by love, concern, and sometimes frustration – unknowingly reinforce their child’s dependence. It feels like a failure but it’s really stuckness.
So how do you stop enabling your adult child so that they can move forward without pushing them away?
The good news is that there are ways to help, and many therapeutic approaches can offer guidance. SPACE Therapy, in particular, provides terrific guidance in this area.
Therapy helps families experiencing Failure to Launch. We want to help.
Contact us today for an appointment.
What Is Failure to Launch?
According to 2021 U.S. Census data, one in three adults aged 18-34 lives at home. Of course, there are many reasons for that including economic challenges and cultural/ familial preferences. However, oftentimes, psychological barriers are preventing these young adults from moving forward in their lives – and out of their parents’ homes! This is called Failure to Launch.
Signs of Failure to Launch
Some of the factors that might be at play include:
- Anxiety and Avoidance – Many young adults feel overwhelmed by adult responsibilities and cope by retreating into comfort zones.
- Dependent Thinking – Instead of viewing themselves as capable of handling challenges, they rely on their parents to provide solutions and reassurance.
- Emotional Dependence – Parents often provide not just financial support but also emotional reassurance, helping their child avoid discomfort rather than face it.
- Executive Dysfunction – Struggles with organization, time management, and task initiation make it difficult to plan and follow through on responsibilities.
- Financial Insecurity or Avoidance – Difficulty managing money, reluctance to budget, or fear of financial independence can keep them stuck in dependency.
- Lack of Problem-Solving Skills – Difficulty coping with setbacks or challenges prevents them from effectively navigating adulthood.
- Low Self-Efficacy – After repeated failures or setbacks, they may believe they can’t function independently.
- Mental Health Struggles – Underlying conditions like depression, ADHD, or OCD may contribute to avoidance and difficulty launching into adulthood.
- Motivation and Self-Discipline – They may have big dreams but lack the drive or self-discipline to pursue them.
- Perfectionism and Fear of Failure – Some young adults hesitate to take action because they fear making mistakes, leading to procrastination and avoidance.
- Social Withdrawal – Isolation from peers and a lack of social engagement can reinforce dependence on parents for interaction and decision-making.
- Technology and Digital Escape – Excessive time spent on video games, social media, or online activities can serve as a way to avoid real-world challenges.
- Unrealistic Expectations – Some have an idealized vision of success and struggle to take small steps, believing that anything less than immediate achievement is pointless.
- Unstructured Lifestyle – Without external structure (such as school or a job), they may struggle to create routines and maintain daily responsibilities, creating a situation that reinforces the problem.
Failure to Launch isn’t failure on the part of the young adult or the parent. Some of these challenges, such as ADHD and fear of failure, make the transition to independence challenging. So, the adult child just gets stuck, and the parent feels stuck with them. The goal is to get unstuck.
How Well-Meaning Parents Can Unintentionally Enable Failure to Launch
Parents often step in to help their adult child, but sometimes, that help turns into accommodation – or enabling – making life easier in the short term but reinforcing dependence in the long term. Common ways parents do this include:
- Providing Financial Support Without Boundaries – Covering rent, car payments, or other expenses indefinitely without clear expectations can remove the natural pressures that drive independence.
- Rescuing from Discomfort – Calling their employer to excuse them from work, negotiating on their behalf, or stepping in to prevent failure denies them the opportunity to develop problem-solving skills.
- Lowering Expectations to Avoid Conflict – Avoiding difficult conversations or allowing a lack of contribution to household responsibilities can signal that avoidance is an acceptable strategy.
- Offering Constant Emotional Reassurance – Always validating fears (“You’re right, the job market is impossible” or “It’s okay, you’re not ready to move out yet”) reinforces avoidance rather than encouraging small steps forward.
- Creating a Home Environment That’s Too Comfortable – If life at home offers all the comforts of adulthood with none of the responsibilities, there’s little motivation to leave.
- Overfunctioning on Their Behalf – Handling responsibilities like scheduling appointments, managing deadlines, or filling out job applications for them teaches them to depend on you instead of themselves.
- Providing a Safety Net Without Limits – Repeatedly bailing them out of financial, academic, or personal missteps without requiring them to take ownership prevents growth.
- Not Enforcing Consequences – If expectations are set but never upheld (e.g., no follow-through on agreed-upon deadlines or job-search efforts), they learn that commitments don’t matter.
These behaviors obviously come from a place of love and concern. Nevertheless, they can prevent young adults from building resilience and problem-solving skills and enable Failure to Launch. Therapy can help.
Therapeutic Approaches to Help a Stuck Young Adult Move Forward
There isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution to ending Failure to Launch, and different approaches work for different families. However, several evidence-based strategies can help parents and young adults break free from stuckness.
1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Executive Functioning and Anxiety
Many young adults struggling with Failure to Launch have difficulties with executive functioning – skills like planning, organization, time management, and self-motivation. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help them recognize and change unhelpful thought patterns that contribute to avoidance and self-doubt.
- CBT provides practical tools for breaking down overwhelming tasks into manageable steps.
- It helps young adults develop problem-solving skills instead of retreating from challenges.
- It can also address anxiety and perfectionism, which often underlie avoidance behaviors.
A therapist trained in CBT, which is exactly what Palo Alto Therapy specializes in, can work directly with a young adult to build the confidence and structure needed for independence.
2. Behavioral Activation to Overcome Avoidance
Avoidance is a major factor in Failure to Launch. When tasks feel overwhelming, young adults may withdraw entirely, reinforcing a cycle of inaction and dependence. Behavioral Activation, a therapy technique often used for depression and anxiety, focuses on taking action first, rather than waiting for motivation.
- This approach encourages small, consistent steps toward independence, such as applying for one job or attending one social event.
- It helps create positive reinforcement cycles – small successes build confidence and lead to bigger changes.
- Parents can support this by gently encouraging action, rather than offering excessive reassurance or allowing avoidance.
3. Family Therapy to Improve Communication and Boundaries
The parent-child dynamic is often at the heart of Failure to Launch, which makes family therapy an important option. A trained therapist can help families:
- Improve communication so that conversations don’t become power struggles.
- Set and enforce healthy boundaries around finances, living arrangements, and responsibilities.
- Recognize unhelpful patterns where parental accommodations are reinforcing avoidance.
By working together, families can shift from frustration and blame to cooperation and problem-solving.
4. SPACE Therapy: Changing Parental Behaviors to Promote Independence
Among the most effective ways to address Failure to Launch is SPACE Therapy (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions). Unlike traditional therapy, which focuses on changing the young adult’s behavior, SPACE shifts the focus to parents – helping them change their own responses in a way that naturally encourages independence.
SPACE Therapy helps parents strategically disengage from enabling behaviors while maintaining warmth and support. It recognizes that parents cannot force their child to change, but they can change their own actions to break the cycle of dependence. Here are some of the ways that it helps:
Reducing Parental Accommodations Gradually
Parents identify the specific ways they are accommodating their child’s avoidance (e.g., making phone calls for them, covering all financial expenses, or allowing them to skip responsibilities).
Instead of abruptly withdrawing support, small, planned reductions are introduced to help their child develop problem-solving skills.
Example: If a parent has been reminding their child daily to look for a job, they might reduce reminders to once per week, signaling a shift in responsibility.
Maintaining Warmth While Encouraging Independence
Parents learn to communicate confidence rather than doubt: “I know this is hard for you, but I believe you can figure it out.”
This approach avoids shaming or pressuring while still reinforcing self-reliance.
The goal is to remain a supportive presence without reinforcing avoidance.
Accepting That Parents Cannot Control Their Child’s Actions
One of the biggest shifts in SPACE Therapy is recognizing that parents cannot force their child to take action—but they can change their own behaviors.
Instead of nagging, pleading, or lecturing, parents learn to step back while offering support in a different way.
Tolerating Discomfort Instead of Rescuing
Parents often feel anxious or guilty when their child struggles, but SPACE Therapy teaches them to tolerate their own discomfort rather than stepping in to fix problems.
Example: Instead of paying their child’s overdue bill, a parent might allow them to experience the natural consequence (a late fee) while offering guidance on budgeting moving forward.
Building a Parental Support System
Parents benefit from support, too. SPACE Therapy encourages them to seek guidance from a therapist, support groups, or other parents in similar situations to help them stay consistent with the changes they’re making.
How Do You Know If You’re Doing the Right Thing as a Parent?
As parents shift from enabling to strategic disengagement, it’s normal to feel guilt or worry. Here are some indicators that you’re on the right track:
- You’re setting clear, firm, and fair expectations – Your child knows what is expected and what will change, even if they don’t like it.
- You’re resisting the urge to rescue – Even when it’s difficult, you’re allowing your child to experience manageable levels of discomfort.
- You’re maintaining warmth and empathy – You’re not punishing or withdrawing emotionally; you’re simply stepping back from over-involvement.
- You’re seeing small shifts – Progress may be slow, but even small steps (like your child applying for one job after refusing for months) indicate forward movement.
- You’re seeking support for yourself – Changing parenting patterns is hard, and having a therapist, support group, or trusted friend can help you stay the course.
It’s not easy to change family patterns. Therapy can help significantly when your family is dealing with Failure to Launch. Our therapists are ready to help your family.