Self-harm is a topic many parents and caregivers find difficult to talk about. However, it’s more common than many realize, especially among teens and young adults. Whether you’ve just discovered signs of self-harm in your child, are concerned about a loved one, work with children and teens or are a teen yourself, it can be hard to know where to begin.
At Palo Alto Therapy, we believe that education and compassionate dialogue are powerful tools. Therefore, we spoke with one of our trusted therapists, Lauren Timmerman, LCSW, about what self-harm is, how therapy can help, and what parents can do to support their children through this part of life.
Lauren is one of our many therapists who help people with therapy for self-harm.
Therapy for self-harm makes a difference. We want to help.
Contact us today for an appointment.
Meet the Therapist: Lauren Timmerman, LCSW
Lauren Timmerman is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who provides individual therapy for children, teens, and adults. With years of experience working in outpatient, school-based, and higher-level care settings, Lauren brings a grounded and empathic approach to her work. She specializes in treating eating disorders, depression, anxiety, trauma, and self-harm.
Lauren’s approach is holistic and strengths-based, integrating evidence-based therapies like CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy), and EMDR with a warm, person-centered connection. Lauren also completed training in Emotion-Focused Family Therapy (EFFT), and supports both individuals and families navigating complex mental health concerns.
Whether she’s working with a teen learning how to improve emotional regulation or guiding a parent through how to support their child, Lauren’s goal is to create a safe, supportive space for growth and healing.
A Conversation About Self-Harm with Lauren Timmerman, LCSW
What do we mean when we use the term self-harm?
(This may sound simple and yet a lot of people aren’t actually sure what behaviors would be included in therapy for self-harm.)
Self-harm refers to engaging in a behavior with the intent of causing physical harm to oneself. This is different and typically distinct from a suicide attempt, which involves actions with the intent or that have a likelihood of ending one’s life.
What is the most common way/reason that a teen or young adult first begins to seek therapy for self-harm?
In my experience, adults often recognize that their self-harm is challenging to stop on their own, and they are motivated to seek support in stopping this behavior.
For children and teens, sometimes they recognize that the self-harm is a problem for them and reach out for support from caregivers, friends, or trusted adults, which leads to them seeking therapy. On the other hand, sometimes, concerned family members notice the behavior and encourage them to attend therapy.
What are the most common reasons that clients give for self-harm and what are some of the first techniques that you might use to help them?
Self-harm tends to be used as a way of either experiencing a sensation when feeling numb, disconnected, or reduced emotional affect; a way to cope with overwhelming emotions; and/or as a way of punishing oneself or communicating a need to others.
Often, I will utilize DBT skills, such as a behavior chain analysis, to support clients with identifying their triggers and consequences for self harm, along with beginning to identify alternate coping strategies when self-harm urges occur.
What is the relationship between self-harm and depression?
Sometimes, people with depressive disorders have overwhelming, intense emotions and either don’t have the energy or have few supportive coping strategies to work through these challenging feelings. Self-harm can be used as a way to inflict pain they feel they deserve or as an outlet for their intense emotions.
Alternatively, depression can lead to a sense of hopelessness, apathy, and numbness; in this case, self-harm may be used as a way to break through the fog by experiencing a strong physical sensation.
When a parent discovers that a teen is self-harming, they can obviously have many different reactions.
What are some tips for parents who want to have a compassionate, helpful conversation without enabling or pushing their child away?
It’s normal for a parent to experience an array of emotions when discovering their child or teen is engaging in self-harm. It’s important for parents to do their best to regulate themselves before having a discussion about it with their child or teen, while ensuring their child or teen no longer has access to items they’ve used to harm themselves.
Parents can begin this conversation by noting what they’ve observed; briefly sharing their concern; and asking what they can do to help their child, while reinforcing they love and care for their child. This could be a good time to discuss the benefits of therapy, as therapists can serve as trusted adults to support their child in processing challenging emotions and help them determine alternative strategies to harming themselves.
What can a parent do if their teen denies self-harm and won’t talk about it, but it’s obvious that it’s occurring?
It can be helpful to validate their perspective and reinforce what they’ve noticed, along with their concerns. Sometimes, children and teens may be in denial about their behavior or have low motivation to stop self- harming due to the benefits they feel it provides them. This may also be a good opportunity to discuss the benefits of therapy with them.
What does successful therapy look like for a teen or young adult who self-harms? What is the goal? When is the therapy “done”?
Successful therapy is typically when one’s achieved the goals set with their therapist at the beginning of treatment. This may look like increased awareness of emotional or environmental triggers for self-harm; increased use of supportive coping strategies when experiencing urges; and significantly reduced and/or eliminated use of self-harm. Therapy is done when the client (with some input from their parents, depending on the client’s age) has met the goals initially created and feels well equipped to resist urges to engage in self-harm.
Supporting Your Teen: What Parents Can Do
Learning that your child is self-harming can feel overwhelming. However you are not alone in this experience, and support is available. Here are a few key reminders for families navigating this:
- Stay calm and compassionate. Your first reaction matters. Express care, not panic.
- Prioritize safety. Secure or remove objects that could be used to self-harm.
- Invite open conversation. Ask questions with curiosity, not judgment.
- Encourage professional help. A therapist trained in DBT or CBT can provide essential tools.
- Take care of yourself, too. Parental support groups or therapy can be valuable for your own mental health as you support your child.
At Palo Alto Therapy, we specialize in supporting teens, young adults, and families facing self-harm, depression, and emotional overwhelm. Our clinicians, including experts like Lauren, create a nonjudgmental space for healing and growth.
If You’re a Teen or Young Adult Reading This
First off, if you’re here reading about self-harm, that says a lot about your self-awareness and strength. Whether you’ve been hurting yourself, are thinking about it, or are just trying to understand what you’re going through, it’s okay. You’re not alone in this experience.
Many teens and young adults turn to self-harm as a way to cope with emotions that feel too big, too heavy, or just too confusing to explain. Maybe it feels like the only way to release something you can’t put into words. That doesn’t make you broken; it makes you human. But you do deserve more supportive tools.
Therapy isn’t about judgment. It is about changing you or “fixing” you. It’s about helping you understand your feelings and giving you safer ways to manage them. You don’t have to be in crisis to reach out. You can just be tired of feeling stuck.
If opening up feels hard, you don’t have to have all the right words. You can simply say something like:
- “I think I need help but I’m not sure where to start.”
- “I’ve been reading about self-harm and it feels like it applies to me.”
- “Can I talk to someone who won’t judge me?”
You’re allowed to ask for support, even if part of you isn’t sure you want to stop yet. We’re here to meet you exactly where you are — and to help you figure out what comes next.
Next Steps for Support
Lauren Timmerman isn’t our only therapist who can help.
Book an appointment with one of our Menlo Park, Palo Alto or San Jose therapists or contact us today to learn more about therapy for self-harm.
You Might Also Like to Read:
- Failure to Launch Isn’t Failure – It’s Stuckness: How Parents Can Help Move Young Adults Forward Without Enabling
- 6 Easy, Effective Techniques for Addressing Teen Burnout
- Navigating Young Adult and Adult ADHD: How Symptoms and Solutions Evolve