Can a relationship survive infidelity? Infidelity is a breach of trust. When trust is broken, many couples find themselves wondering if repair is even possible. They wonder if the damage is too deep to overcome. Moreover, they wonder whether or not they even want to try.
A relationship can survive infidelity. Of course, not every relationship will survive. However, you will survive regardless of the outcome. And if you want to try to continue the relationship, there are steps that you can take to rebuild trust.
While infidelity is often what comes to mind when we talk about broken trust, it is not the only breach that can damage a relationship. Lies, secrecy, financial deception, emotional withdrawal, or even neglecting a partner’s emotional needs can all create significant fractures.
Regardless of what caused the break, the process of repair is similar. While some relationships do not recover, many do. With intentional effort, emotional work, and professional support, it is possible for a relationship to survive.
Couples Therapy is often key to rebuilding trust after betrayal. We want to help.
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Step 1: Understanding What Led to the Betrayal
Broken trust doesn’t happen in a vacuum. While individual choices and accountability are crucial, betrayal is often a symptom of deeper relationship issues. Therefore, couples who want to rebuild must first explore why the trust was broken:
- Was there emotional distance in the relationship?
- Were needs going unmet – physically or emotionally?
- Had difficult conversations been avoided instead of addressed?
- Was there resentment building over time that went unspoken?
- Was the betrayal fueled by personal struggles (self-esteem, past trauma, fear of commitment)?
- Were external stressors (work, family, health, etc.) putting strain on the relationship?
- Was this an impulsive mistake, or was it part of a deeper pattern?
To be clear, none of this is about justifying harmful actions, placing blame, or diminishing pain. Instead, it is about gaining understanding in order for a relationship to survive infidelity. You can’t move forward until you look back.
Breaches of trust can stem from unresolved conflict, feelings of neglect, or even personal struggles unrelated to the relationship. The key to rebuilding is recognizing where the cracks formed so they can be repaired.
Equally important is accountability. The partner who broke the trust must take full responsibility for their actions – without deflecting blame onto their partner. Without genuine ownership of the harm caused, trust cannot begin to be restored.
Step 2: Acknowledging and Processing the Pain
When trust is broken, it often triggers intense emotional responses that must be processed before healing can begin.
The betrayed partner may experience:
- Grief – Mourning the relationship they thought they had.
- Anger – Resentment toward their partner for breaking their trust.
- Anxiety & Hypervigilance – Feeling constantly on edge, fearing further betrayal.
- Shame & Self-Doubt – Wondering if they were “not enough” or questioning their own worth in the relationship.
- Depression & Hopelessness – Feeling emotionally drained, numb, or uncertain about whether healing is possible.
- Confusion & Cognitive Dissonance – Struggling to reconcile the partner they loved with the person who betrayed them.
- Loss of Security & Identity – Feeling like the foundation of their life has been pulled out from under them.
- Triggers & Flashbacks – Unexpected emotional reactions to reminders of the betrayal, making it difficult to move forward.
It’s essential that the partner who caused the harm allows room for these emotions to be expressed.
The betrayed partner may need:
- Validation – Their pain is real, and they deserve space to feel it. The unfaithful partner should acknowledge the depth of the hurt they caused, without diminishing or dismissing it. Simple phrases like “I understand why you feel this way” or “You have every right to be hurt” can go a long way.
- Honesty – Answers to their questions (within reason) to regain a sense of clarity. This does not mean endless interrogation or unnecessary painful details, but rather full transparency about what happened and why, to help rebuild a sense of reality.
- Emotional Safety – A commitment to working through these emotions rather than avoiding them. The partner who caused the harm should show up consistently, be patient with the healing timeline, and avoid pushing for forgiveness before the betrayed partner is ready.
- Reassurance Without Defensiveness – The unfaithful partner should be prepared for repeated conversations about trust, as healing is not linear. It’s important to reaffirm commitment and provide emotional support even when those conversations feel difficult.
- Respect for Boundaries – The betrayed partner may need space at times, or may set new boundaries around communication, transparency, or physical closeness. These boundaries should be honored without resentment.
This step is often the most challenging because it’s where couples either start moving forward or remain stuck in anger and resentment. The partner who broke the trust may have a difficult time holding all of the emotions that their partner feels. Couples therapy can provide a structured space for processing these intense emotions.
Step 3: Rebuilding Trust Through Transparency
Trust is fragile; it can take years to build and only moments to shatter. After a betrayal, trust isn’t restored with words alone. It is rebuilt through consistent, reliable actions.
What the Partner Who Broke the Trust Needs to Do:
- Cut off any harmful outside relationships or behaviors.
- Be fully transparent about their actions and whereabouts.
- Show up consistently – no more secrecy, no more dishonesty.
- Allow the betrayed partner to set boundaries without defensiveness.
- Listen with patience and empathy. Show compassion, not frustration.
- Take full accountability without shifting blame.
What the Betrayed Partner Needs to Do:
- Decide what boundaries feel safe (e.g., phone transparency, check-ins).
- Express what they need to heal, without punishing their partner endlessly.
- Recognize small steps of trust-building and acknowledge progress.
- Process emotions in a way that promotes healing. Therapy, journaling, and self-care may all be helpful.
- Be honest about whether moving forward is truly possible. If you don’t know, yet, that is okay. However, you have to say so.
Relationship research shows that trust isn’t rebuilt with grand gestures. Instead, it’s built in small, everyday moments. Over time, as transparency becomes the norm, trust slowly starts to return.
Step 4: Restoring Emotional and Physical Intimacy
Rebuilding intimacy after a breach of trust is different for every couple. Some may naturally gravitate toward emotional reconnection first, while for others, physical closeness might be the first step toward healing. The way intimacy is restored depends on the couple’s unique history, comfort levels, and the nature of the trust rupture. If the betrayal was not infidelity but rather another form of broken trust—such as emotional dishonesty, financial secrecy, or neglect—the process of restoring closeness may look different.
Steps to Rebuild Emotional Safety:
- Regular check-ins to talk about feelings—not just about the betrayal but about everyday emotions to foster reconnection.
- Reaffirming commitment through both words and actions, showing that both partners are invested in repair.
- Practicing active listening—making space for vulnerability and reassurance without minimizing feelings.
- Respecting each other’s timeline—one partner may be ready for more closeness before the other, and it’s important to honor those differences.
Physical Intimacy: When & How to Reconnect
For some couples, physical intimacy feels like a necessary bridge back to emotional closeness. For others, it can be a painful reminder of broken trust. There is no “right” timeline. Instead, what matters most is that both partners feel safe and respected in the process.
Instead of focusing on returning to sex right away, consider other ways to rebuild physical closeness, such as:
- Holding hands or small gestures of affection.
- Sharing a hug, sitting close, or making intentional eye contact.
- Engaging in non-sexual touch to reestablish comfort and security.
If physical intimacy has become a source of tension or avoidance, couples therapy can help navigate boundaries, expectations, and fears in a way that feels safe for both partners. The key is communication—checking in rather than assuming what the other person is ready for.
Regardless of whether emotional or physical intimacy comes first, the ultimate goal is to rebuild a sense of connection that feels mutual, secure, and sustainable for the relationship moving forward.
Step 5: Building a New Relationship, Not Just Fixing the Old One
Couples who survive betrayal don’t just return to what was—they create something new, stronger, and more honest.
This means:
- Reevaluating needs – What wasn’t working before? What do we need now to feel safe and connected?
- Strengthening communication – Creating a relationship where honesty, transparency, and emotional expression are the norm.
- Developing shared goals – Looking forward instead of just dwelling on the past, identifying what the relationship needs to thrive in the future.
- Rebuilding friendship and appreciation – Actively nurturing fondness, admiration, and small moments of connection, which research shows are key to long-term relationship success.
- Reestablishing boundaries – Defining clear expectations that promote safety and trust, ensuring both partners feel emotionally and physically secure.
- Creating new rituals of connection – Small, meaningful moments—daily check-ins, weekly date nights, or simple gestures of affection—can strengthen emotional bonds
How Couples Therapy Can Support the Healing Process
Many couples benefit from structured support in rebuilding trust and intimacy after betrayal. Different therapeutic frameworks offer evidence-based strategies for healing and strengthening relationships.
Some techniques from couples therapy that can help a relationship survive infidelity include:
Gottman’s “Atone, Attune, Attach” Model
This technique from Drs. John and Julie Gottman has three parts:
- Atone – The betraying partner takes full responsibility, provides transparency, and works to repair trust.
- Attune – The couple rebuilds emotional intimacy through communication and shared vulnerability.
- Attach – The relationship moves toward secure, lasting emotional and physical connection.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT): The Hold Me Tight Conversation
Based on attachment theory, EFT helps couples process betrayal through guided emotional conversations. The “Hold Me Tight” technique creates space for:
- Expressing emotions openly without judgment.
- Understanding the deeper fears and needs behind the betrayal.
- Reaffirming emotional safety and responsiveness between partners.
Esther Perel’s Approach to Healing from Betrayal
Esther Perel’s work on infidelity highlights the dual reality of betrayal, exploring both the pain of the betrayed partner and the unmet needs that may have led to the betrayal. Her approach helps couples:
- Redefine what trust means in their relationship.
- Explore the difference between transparency and honesty (not just revealing everything, but fostering an environment where openness is natural).
- Focus on rebuilding desire and intimacy, rather than just rehashing the betrayal.
Couples therapy provides not just a space for processing the pain of betrayal, but also a roadmap for moving forward in a way that strengthens the relationship rather than simply patching it up.
CBT- Based Cognitive Restructuring for Relationship Narratives
Couples are encouraged to reframe the meaning of the betrayal and their relationship story. Instead of viewing the betrayal as an absolute defining event, therapy helps couples see it as one painful chapter in a larger relationship journey that can still be rewritten.
Step 6: Knowing When Rebuilding Isn’t the Right Choice
Not every relationship can or should survive a betrayal. Sometimes, the healthiest choice is to walk away. This doesn’t mean that you have failed.
Signs that rebuilding may not be possible:
- The partner who broke the trust refuses to take responsibility.
- The betrayed partner is unable to move forward, despite best efforts.
- There are repeated betrayals or ongoing dishonesty.
- One or both partners are unwilling to engage in open, honest communication.
- The unfaithful partner continues to minimize or justify their actions.
- The betrayed partner remains in a constant cycle of punishment rather than healing.
- One or both partners feel obligated to stay together out of fear, guilt, or external pressure rather than genuine commitment.
- There is emotional or psychological abuse present in the relationship.
Separation can be painful, but in some cases, it allows both individuals to heal in ways they couldn’t within the relationship. Therapy can also provide support in navigating an amicable breakup when staying together isn’t the best path. Couples therapy that ends in separation isn’t a failure, just as relationships that end aren’t failures.
Moving Forward—Together or Apart
Recovering from broken trust is one of the hardest challenges a relationship can face. Some couples emerge stronger, with a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationship. Others recognize that parting ways is the best path forward.
Regardless of the outcome, healing takes time – and support can make all the difference.
If you or your partner are struggling to navigate the aftermath of infidelity or another rupture of trust, couples therapy can provide the tools and guidance needed to move forward—whether that means rebuilding together or finding closure apart.